Oh Machina... [She reached up and held his cheek as she took the plush.] I accept your apology. But I'm very used to grumpy sorts, so I wasn't all that upset. Besides, you wouldn't be you if you didn't make a bit of a fuss about being taken care of.
[He'd wonder how she knows him so well but Snow manages to take him by surprise often.]
I'm not used to people caring. It's different here, but at home, I'm on my own. So, I don't like feeling indebted to anyone, or having to depend on anyone for anything.
Hmm... Machina, do you expect me to pay you back for all the kindness and things you've done for me? I'm not sure where this feeling of indebtedness has come from, I don't want you to feel indebted, friends and loved ones should help one another. And I love you very much.
So I would like it if you could think to depend on me a bit more.
No of course I don't expect payback. Besides, what have I ever done that's so great?
[He really doesn't want to distress her by sharing just how bad things are at home, how alone he really is, how he doesn't belong anywhere anymore, the horrors he's inflicted on people with his own hands.
If you don't expect me to pay you back, then why in heaven's name would I expect the same of you, silly goose? [She smiled at him, reaching up to hold his cheek.]
You don't have to be anything other than yourself to be great, Machina. That's more than enough for me.
[She is so good to him, and deep down, Machina knows he doesn't deserve it. But oh how he yearns to be the person she thinks he is. He lifts a hand to rest over hers, thinking he doesn't deserve that kindness and meaning to lift it away. But he finds he just can't break the touch and instead leaves it there.]
[Does he? Does he really want to be forgiven, absolved for slaughtering his own people in the streets? Doesn't matter that he was being controlled, it was still his hands that wielded the weapons. Even now, Machina doesn't regret taking the brand. He doesn't care for the consequences of it, but his reasons still stand and he needs to hold fast to those or he just might break under the torture of the things he's done. Things he knows he still has to do.]
And what if they don't? What if... they know it's not right to be forgiven?
[This is no philosophical question. There is no they. It's all him.]
[She's right, he won't accept it, even if at the same time, he craves it. There is enough of his old self left to realize it wouldn't be just. Machina puts a hand on top of her head.]
The world needs more people like you.
[He is a lost cause already, but he can work to make it safe for that kindness to remain untarnished.]
[Action]
I'm sorry.
[Action]
[Action]
I'm not used to people caring. It's different here, but at home, I'm on my own. So, I don't like feeling indebted to anyone, or having to depend on anyone for anything.
[Action]
So I would like it if you could think to depend on me a bit more.
[Action]
[He really doesn't want to distress her by sharing just how bad things are at home, how alone he really is, how he doesn't belong anywhere anymore, the horrors he's inflicted on people with his own hands.
Still, there's a soft sigh and a nod from him.]
I'll try to do better remembering to do that.
[Action]
You don't have to be anything other than yourself to be great, Machina. That's more than enough for me.
[Action]
Can I ask you something?
[Action]
[Action]
[He has an idea she'll say no, and knows that makes Snow vulnerable to being used. But, he needs to know if he's irredeemable in her eyes.]
[Action]
[Action]
And what if they don't? What if... they know it's not right to be forgiven?
[This is no philosophical question. There is no they. It's all him.]
[Action]
Then, it's not up to me anymore, Machina. If they cannot forgive themselves, even if I were to forgive them, they wouldn't acknowledge it.
[Action]
The world needs more people like you.
[He is a lost cause already, but he can work to make it safe for that kindness to remain untarnished.]
[Action]